Lovin' life

Wow! It's been forever since I've blogged. Lets see...the boys are doing great. They are all changing so fast!! Seth is 3.5 now and just so grown up. He's really gotten an attitude lately and his favorite question is "why?" He's super excited about the baby and loves feeling him move. He even helped pick out the new carseat :) Clay is growing so fast. He talks so well and so much now. lol He's still a sweetie. He's not so sure about Ty though. He knows there is a baby in my tummy..or at least he knows I say there is. He refuses to feel my stomach when Ty is rolling around in there. He acts like it's disgusting. lol Elijah..wow...he's now 16 months old and something else. He still loves his snuggles but is soooo independent. He plays by himself and with his brothers so nicely. He still has a mean streak but thankfully we don't see it as often. He just had his 15 month well check and is doing perfectly. He's 21 pounds and 3 ounces. He's like his brothers..tall and skinny :)

I'm now 33 weeks pregnant and huge. lol Tyler James is so active and I just can't get enough of his moving around. I love to watch my belly move when he's rolling and kicking. He's a lot gentler than Eli was thankfully. The iron pills are definitly helping with the anemia. We have an ultraound this Wednesday (April 29th..which is Shaun's birthday). Starting at 36 or 37 weeks I'll have non stress tests twice a week and I'll have another ultrasound around that time. I'm so excited to meet him yet so nervous about the labor and delivery. I don't take anything for granted after losing Bryce :(

Open mouth, insert foot!

It seems like people with small brains have big mouths!! My sis and I went out for a few hours shopping yesterday while some girls from our church watched all but Aiden. We went into this one thrift shop. The lady working there struck me as odd as soon as I went in. She was talking to us about Aiden and Heather told her how she had 3 more at home and the oldest is 5. Then she said how I had three at home and was pg again. I laughed and told the lady that my oldest was 3. That floored her Anyway, she was talking to us and telling us how she doesn't have children..just a dog. She kept saying how she didn't know how Heather and I did it, ect. I told her about how mine are all boys and she looked confused when I said 5 boys. I told her I lost my last one. She started asking questions, ect. By the time I told her the whole story she looked shocked..like she couldn't imagine going through that. I then told her how I didn't want to get pg again so soon and she interrupted me and asked "Then why are you?" I told her we tried not go get pg...she then rudely butted in and said that if I didn't want to get pg, then I wouldn't be pg. EXCUSE ME?! Well, me with the unstoppable mouth this pregnancy, snapped at her when she told me that there are condoms, birth control ect. I told her that my sister (pointed at Heather) got pg with TRIPLETS using condoms and how she had dated a guy once who's mom got pg TWICE using birth control...and then Heather told her about how her FIL had a vasectomy and a year later MIL was pg with another one. We floored her with all this info..especially about how condoms aren't 100% effective. I told her it's on the box!! Now, this isn't some young woman we were talking to..it was an middle age to older woman. She at one point asked Heather if she was married!!! Its NONE of her business and she has no right to ask people that. She was going on and on and on....rude and outspoken to both of us. She basically ridiculed us for having multiple children. It was so bad that I left that shop feeling embarrassed to be pregnant I told Shaun about what happened last night and he got angry. He said I should have bit her head off. That she had no right to talk to us that way...especially since we were strangers and shopping in her store! I hate outspoken people.......what I do is MY business. Yes, I have 5 children. 4 of those pregnancies were "oops". But my kids are loved more than anyone could imagine, they are healthy, happy and taken care of. They are great kids who are so smart. Ya, kids are expensive, but Shaun works his butt off EVERY day to make sure our needs are met plus some! So what right do people have to come and criticize me?! If I was some crack ho or white trash then maybe....but I'm not!

I just don't outspoken people. I would NEVER say bold and rude things like that to anyone, let alone a stranger! How many kids I have, how I have them, ect is none of anyones business!

Okay..I must stop now before my blood pressure goes through the roof. Don't want to stress my little man :)

Due Date

Today would have been Bryce Aaron's due date. Most likely he would have been born sometime this past week tho.

Today went a lot smoother than I thought. My sis invited the boys and myself over for lunch and we stayed all afternoon until Shaun got off work. That really helped keep my mind off of the day. The rest of the time the boys kept me busy and when I wasn't tending to one of them, I was cleaning. The bathroom finally got a good mopping. lol

I miss my son. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could go back and hold him. He was a beautiful, perfect little boy that I was blessed to carry if only for a short time.

I have so much more to say but I just can't find the words.

17 weeks

What a roller coaster ride the last 5 months has been. I held my breath in this pregnancy until 14 weeks. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Oh, don't get me wrong, it was hard but nothing compared to this past week (week 16). I just had this horrible feeling and fear all week that this baby had passed too. I was so nervous walking into the appt this morning. They did all the normal beginning of the appt stuff. I laid on the table while she searched for a heartbeat. I waited and waited. Nothing. I began to get very nervous. She quickly wiped my belly off and took us (Shaun was with me) down the hall to the ultrasound room. I laid back on the table and held my breath while she turned off the light and put the gel on the Doppler. She put it on my belly and I saw a mass of something. She moved it a little and the mass got bigger. lol The baby still looked small to me. Bryce measured 2 weeks smaller than he should have been, and I was afraid this baby was the same way. I was about to mention it to the midwife when she moved the Doppler a little more. The baby grew before my eyes. lol Well, not literally, but she was able to find a much better view by moving it. Before my eyes was this amazing little baby kicking and punching away in there. It looked like baby was boxing. lol She pointed out the knees and the hands. She then put the Doppler on the heart. I cried at the sight of a strong heartbeat. Shaun grabbed a tissue while I "ooh'ed" and "ahh'ed" over our sweet little baby. I told the midwife that I don't understand how people don't cry during an ultrasound or how they can get tired of ultrasounds. I can never get enough of them! After a minute or two she took me back to the room and did the Quad Screen. The results won't affect anything, I'd just like to know especially after Bryce was thought to have Down Syndrome or Trisomy. Then she took me to the desk and set the big ultrasound date. January 14th. I'm so excited!! We pretty much know what we're having just by gut feelings but I'm so excited to see my baby again!!

Happy 1st Birthday!

Happy 1st Birthday, Eli! I can't believe how fast this year has gone!!
Lets see, Elijah now has around 8-9 teeth. He eats everything in sight He's saying mama, dada, baba and hi. He's attempting to say Seth. Seth gets so excited He walks ALL the time now...he literally only crawls a could of times a day and thats only for a second. I've even caught him trying to run a couple of times, though I don't know if it was on purpose or not. He's refusing the crib and is a complete bed hog He definitly lets me know what he wants. A few minutes ago I was upstairs with Shaun and the boys. Eli grabbed his bottle, faced the stairs and started waving bye bye. I asked if he wanted to go downstairs and he smiled really big He fights with his brothers and can definitly hold his own.
I just weighed him on my scale. 19 pounds. I thought he'd be over 20 by now

(Side note: I thought I posted this on Thursday morning, but apparently it didn't go through. )

Pregnancy dreams

Ugh! I hate hate hate hate pregnancy dreams!!!! I ate nothing bad last night. I had ham and potato casserole which is made up of ham, potatoes, cheese soup, cheese slices, butter, water and crackers. Nothing bad!! It used to be when I ate spaghetti or something like it that I would get bad dreams. Not anymore.

I dreamed that Shaun disappeared. We looked and looked and looked but couldn't find him. I found myself pleading with God to please let Shaun come home safe. Then one guy that we've known forever came over and told me that he had something to tell me but had to tell my sister first to see what she thought( if he should tell me or not). He came over after talking to her and told me that Shaun had went to Georgia with a guy he knew. Said the guy told him (our friend) that Shaun was looking at some girls and stopped to talk to them (which is unlike Shaun). He said that was the last time Shaun had been seen. I asked why he was in Georgia and E (our friend) said to get beer. I was confused as to why he went all the way to Georgia to get beer when we have it right here in town. He didn't know. (Shaun doesn't drink..so I'm not sure why this was in there). I asked him who the guy was and if he'd talk to me. He thought for a second and said "He better not have...I bet he did" and then he made a growling noise and punched his hand. It was like he thought his friend might have had something to do with Shaun's disappearance or something. I was bawling saying how I didn't mean for him to really leave..how I wish I could take back our fight. I told him we'd fought, but nothing big. I had told him if he wanted to leave then go ahead and he did. We (my sis, E and I ) got in my truck..one I haven't had since..wow..before I got pg with Seth..and went looking for him. I kept looking over cliffs and stuff to see if his truck had went over. Nothing. I kept saying how it wasn't fair..that Shaun was such a good guy for this to happen to. I was just so upset and felt like I was going to pass out and then I woke up.

I woke up and heard Shaun snoring on the other side of the boys. I kept thanking God that he was there and safe. Now i've been up for two hours and I can't go back to sleep...and I'm terrified of him going to UPS.

Don't I have enough to worry about with this pregnancy without making it worse with horrible pregnancy dreams?! I wonder if this was brought on by the whore's sister (She's the one who actually got that whole freaking ordeal started) working across the street again. But she isn't working at the same time Shaun is, so I don't get why that would really bother me.

I can take cheating dreams. They really bother me, but I can deal with them. I just can't deal with dreams like the one I had earlier. I can't take not seeing him again.

Does anyone else have horrible dreams like this?!

Watch Elijah go! :) He's growing so fast!

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books